


Torchwood Limericks & Haikus

by Nanfreak (Nan_Golden)



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-22
Updated: 2011-01-22
Packaged: 2017-10-14 23:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nan_Golden/pseuds/Nanfreak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what happens when I find a rhyming dictionary. 15 limericks & 8 haikus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Torchwood Limericks & Haikus

Ianto Jones, butler extraordinaire,  
Co-ordinates his suits with such flair!  
His shirts of pink and red,  
are a rainbow of thread.  
He's a gentleman so debonair!

Owen and Ianto have many rows,  
that sometimes come to sharp blows.  
But Owen couldn't mock,  
with a mouthful of cock.  
"I win again!" Ianto smugly crows.

Captain Hart, intergalactic tart,  
can take any pair of cuffs apart.  
Knots are such a breeze  
for this sneaky tease!  
Bondage is his highest form of art!

Jones was understandably wary  
When he let Jack pop his man cherry.  
With a lot of slick  
And such sweet licks  
Ianto embraced his inner fairy.

Captain Jack Harness just loves rimming,  
Those tongue tangos fill him to brimming.  
After a hot swipe  
Jones hangs on for life  
And comes so hard they're nearly swimming.

When Jack and Jones go "hunting Weevils",  
Their cunning methods of retrieval  
Are just sneaky ploys  
To pull out sex toys  
And get major trouser upheavals.

There was an ex PC, Gwen Cooper,  
Who was a tenacious trooper.  
With T-shirts so tight,  
She strove to do right,  
Despite that alien gas blooper.

When Captain John spots Eye Candy,  
That Welsh delight turns him quite randy.  
Ianto's rolling vowels  
And delicious scowls  
Have Little John feeling quite dandy.

Captain Hart, Jack’s devious ex-wife,  
Loved to cause the Torchwood team such strife.  
Jones was more than a match  
For that chaser of snatch  
And thrashed Hart soundly in a cock fight.

There once was a PC named Andy,  
Whose life before Cooper was dandy.  
Her big Bambi eyes  
And breasts of great size,  
Turned him into a total pansy.

Whenever Ianto dons his cute suit,  
His captain is soon in hot pursuit.  
With a sexy smirk  
and an eyebrow quirk,  
Harkness hoists up a hands-free salute.

Lusty time agent Captain Hart-throb  
can do such sinful things to your knob.  
Thankful odes are sung  
about his sweet tongue  
and nirvana attained by blowjob.

There was a time agent named Harkness,  
who had a bad case of cock hardness,  
which caused him great distress.  
His solution? Undress!  
Then get down to smokin’ hot business!

After Owen Harper was raised from the dead,  
he pondered how he’d lure birds into bed.  
Without blood flow down south,  
and zealous use of mouth,  
he became the champion of head.

When John Hart spied a gorgeous poodle,  
his trousers tightened ‘round his noodle.  
He tried to break the ice  
with gifts of squeaky dice.  
Alas, she preferred Labradoodles.

Avant-garde dabbling  
becomes the newest kink of  
purveyors of slash.

Who says Ianto Jones'  
a woobie teary teaboy?  
He's got ninja skills!

Bottom or top, Ianto Jones  
can outmaneuver  
naked hide-and-seek cheating.

King of Coffee brews  
caffeinated cups of bliss.  
Three cheers for Ianto!

Ianto Jones and Captain Jack's  
sexy stopwatch games  
send you to your bunk again.

Captain John Hart-throb,  
please make a captain sandwich  
with a Welsh filling!

Toshiko Sato  
braniac extraordinare,  
warped on the inside.


End file.
